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Best Week Ever
American Apparel Names 3 “Best Butt” Finalists In Competition To See Who Gets Most Roofied By Dov Charney
American Apparel — the porniest porn that ever porned, if you somehow weren’t aware — is down to three Butt Finalists in their “Search For The World’s Best Butt” competition. The winner will get flown to Los Angeles, participate in their own AA photoshoot, and get the sh*t sexually harrassed out of them by...
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Grizz From 30 Rock Will Singlehandedly Drive The Dow Up A Bazillion Points Or So
Call your brokers, everyone! Grizz Chapman from 30 Rock rang the New York Stock Exchange opening bell this morning along with members of the National Kidney Foundation. This is a sign. Based on my advanced market analysis, when someone this cool rings the opening bell, the Dow Jones should close just north of the...
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The Biggest Damn Magazine Ad I’ve Ever Seen
I opened up the latest issue of Sports Illustrated (the one with Sidney Crosby on the cover – wooooo!) and the magazine forcefully directed me to the dead center to behold the most unnecessarily large pop-out magazine ad I’ve ever seen:
I’m surprised The Pacific went with something so understated — I would’ve inserted one...
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The Bachelor Engagement Has Now Lastedddd…. 4 Days
This Sunday, much to the pained chagrin of females from coast to coast, ABC’s Bachelor Jake Pavelka got down on his tanned, sexy knee to propose to Vienna, a girl who accidentally fell into her pappy’s alligator meat dehydrator. And the country’s collective heart imploded. Then we remembered… wait, they’re both idiots....
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Stoop to the Stoop My Darlin: It’s a 227 Reunion
227. Along with Amen and Punky Brewster, perhaps the favorite television show from my childhood. The stoop stylings of Maaaary, Pearl, Rose, and, of course, Soooondra created the African-American family I always wished I was a part of. And this week, The Today Show finally did it: They reunited the cast of...
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This Ke$ha-$tar War$ Video Is Our Only Hope
Did you see the video for Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” and think, “This video is just not nearly nerdy enough for my liking”? I know I did.
Fear not, because the internet came through and provided us with the dose of Star Wars we crave in the music of our troubled pop stars. This video is...
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Shaun White Appears On Rolling Stone Cover Peeing Flames Onto Snowboard
Shaun White continued the quadra-annual “Couple Weeks Of Momentum After The Olympics Before We Resume Not Thinking About These People For Three And A Half Years” tradition by appearing on this XTREME! Rolling Stone cover.
I’m pretty sure it’s either an homage to Jimi Hendrix or to that angry shirtless America Robot who used to...
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CAPTION THIS: Tonight, On An All New Bones
Indeed, it seems we used this very same title for a post last summer about the ever-present Courtney Love, and yet, it seems ever so appropriate to reuse the notion of “Celebrity Bones.” Renee Zellweger, seen above busy practicing for her upcoming movie Don’t Let Any Sh*t Come Out of Your Ass, and Reese...
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Turns Out Megan Fox’s On Set Chemistry With Optimus Prime Never Went Anywhere
In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, actress Megan Fox divulged all the dirty details of her sex life. Dim the lights and put on some smooth jazz, because it is about to get HOT:
“I’ve only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone...
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Michael Emerson Stars In Lost Prequel, “1992 Prison Training Video”
This amazing early-90s prison training video teaches aspiring wardens the best way to handle an unruly prisoner: Bring in creepy-ass Michael Emerson from Lost. He’ll not only calm the prisoner down, but he’ll also convince the prisoner he’s protecting his friends by murdering employees at competing prisons.
In this example, he doesn’t succeed. Poor,...
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“Dancing with the Stars” Hits Its C-List Reality Star Stride (and Buzz Aldrin)
Another year, another season of Dancing with the Stars, everyone’s favorite reality dance competition featuring America’s most detested and sometimes beloved C-List celebrities, and hosted by our favorite AFV host of all time, Tom Bergeron. Below, we give you the list of those scheduled to appear on DWTS, as well as our handy...
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Pour Out A Travel Sized Bottle Of Vodka For Captain Sully Today
America’s hero pilot Captain Sully Sullenberger announced he is retiring from conquering the skies today. I, for one, teared up a bit upon hearing this news. I spent the last four months playing a game I made up called “Sully Roulette” where I would fly a random U.S. Airways flight in hopes I would...
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Yes Dear Totally Predicted The Tiger Woods Scandal
And to think, this whole time, you thought Yes Dear was a throwaway sitcom incapable of humor, let alone clairvoyant powers to foresee the sexual transgressions of our sports idols? How naive of you. Mike O’Malley saw that scandal coming as clearly as he saw Chris “The Eagle” Jackson miss that actuator on the...
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Nirvana Figure Skater Begs The Question: Can Kurt Cobain Roll 360 Degrees Around In His Grave And Back To Normal?
Between the Kurt Cobain rapping avatar in Guitar Hero and the following video of a grungefied Scott Williams doing a figure skating routine set to “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” I’m wondering if it’s possible for a deceased artist to roll over in their grave so forcefully, they spin completely around back to their original...
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LOST RECAP: Season 6, Episode 6, “Sundown”
This is a Recap of Lost Season 6, Episode 6, entitled “Sundown”, originally airing March 2, 2010. It is full of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the episode, don’t read on, cause I’ll spoil the fact that the episode was sponsored by Sun Chips and included no fewer than eight deliberate product shots...
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How To Lose At The Oscars In One Easy Step: The Hurt Locker Method
With the Oscars almost upon us and the chances of G.I. Joe sneaking in as an 11th hour 11th Best Picture nominee looking bleak, it seems that only The Hurt Locker has a shot at taking down Avatar. Well, it did… until one of the producers may have had a little too much boxed...
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The SNL Presidents Reunite To Talk About Financial Reform And Reagan’s Balls
Look, we’ve devoted enough time on this blog already to debating politics of creating the Consumer Financial Protection Agency (are they who I contact about getting a picture of a monkey riding a Segway on my debit card?). Just pretend you’re Canadian for five minutes and laugh at this Funny or Die all-star SNL...
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Internet Does It Again with Static Balloon Cat
Sometimes, it’s the simplest of things that create the largest of impacts. Such is the case with Static Balloon Cat, a cat who has a staticky balloon placed between his back legs. Sorry, Jerry Lewis, but the internet may just have you beat.
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The U.S. Secretary Of Transportation Really Looks Like A Stock Villain Character
Executives from Toyota had to testify alongside the U.S. Secretary of Transportation at a hearing today — AHHHHHHHH Actual Newsssssss!!!!! Ahh, whew, just had to cancel that out, I’m back to reality.
Anyway, it turns out, the U.S. Transportation Secretary,...
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There Is Nothing Sexual About These Two Australian Morning TV Hosts Playing Wii
This is just a video of two morning show anchors in Australia having a bit of fun on the air with their curling game for Nintendo Wii. That is all I see. Boy, it sure does look like a wholesome good time though.
Why is everybody laughing? Rowdy, why are you laughing?
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